i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
