My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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