I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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