is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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