my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
