i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
