it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
