forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
