So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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