you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
