i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
