he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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