I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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