Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
