if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
