I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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