i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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