best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
