wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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