this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
