i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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