since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
