O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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