lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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