I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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