I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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