We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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