i think my mom watched the whole time
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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