I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
