Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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