Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
