I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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