YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
