Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize