there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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