OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
