It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
