I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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