i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
