had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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