you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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