i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
