By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Did I show you my penis last night?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
