Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
