chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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