At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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