garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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