he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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