Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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