just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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