i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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