yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
