i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
