I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
