I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
