How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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