I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
try to milk me bitch
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
