hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
